Varanasi is a very special and ancient place, a very busy city at the banks of the Ganga, where the voices of chaos, the frenzy of activity, the fragrance of worship, birth and death, dance the Melodies of life in a chorus that can scare you away or catapult you to the lap of the inner awareness, the holy altar of the Consciousness of infinite goodness.

This morning Swamiji invited us to have breakfast with him and Shree Maa in the place where they have installed their altar, the house of a dear, long-term devoted family. When we arrived, Swamiji and Shree Maa were radiating the light of inner peace, sitting in front of the altar. Even in the midst of this chaotic city, the emanation of silence from our Gurus radiated the bliss of the self, and being there, I forgot the madness of the busy city. After breakfast, Swamiji invited us to the Durga temple while Shree Maa prepared for the rituals and sadhanas that will take place here in Kashi.

When we arrived at the temple, the multitudes were coming and going in huge amounts: lots of cars, bicycles, cows, people, sellers of all kinds, the fragrance of incense, wet puddles, holes in the floor, the honking of the rickshaws, etc. The last place one would think to go to do sadhana But there was a place where Swamiji brought us, and trusting him, we followed. The temple was all red, decorated with flowers of many colors, and there was all around an Indian porch full of people sitting and chanting to Mother Durga, who takes away difficulties. Between all that disorder, Swamiji chose to sit below an image of Kalaratri, which, as you know, is a form of Durga, which looks like a crazy lady, and Swamiji translates her name as the goddess of the dark night of overcoming egotism. She is scary-looking. Once seated and with the multitudes of people flowing in different directions, we could only wonder how it would be possible to do sadhana here. But Swamiji began with his worship, and the moment he invoked the first deities with the Devata Pranam, a cocoon of light, silence, and protection emanating from our Swami engulfed us, and the splendor of his concentration made it easy for us to just focus on our sadhana and not pay attention to anything else. People kept coming and going, and at some point, somebody even hit the music stand in Swamiji. the amounts of people was incredible, but nothing was going to stop him. He just placed the music back and continued without losing even one breath and without deviating his attention from the Mother Goddess.

He is a lover; he does not search for anything in exchange for his sadhana; he has no expectation; he just wants to tell her how much he loves Her. His devotion and dedication produced the love and protection that created the divine silence, even in the middle of the commotions of Maya. At some point, a person who was admired by Swamiji’s capacity couldn’t resist and had his head literally next to Swamiji’s head. He was trying to read from Swamiji’s scripture so much that he was almost pushing our sadhu to one side. This was tremendously invasive; at the same time, people were moving in all directions, and a loud noise of everyone’s voices, bells, and calls was going on at the same time. Swamiji didn’t move nor stop chanting. He was with her; all the rest was in constant change, but he was not; he was there in that holy space where sadhana makes you one with God; he was in yoga. What a delight to see and be a part of. I cannot truly explain. As he was going deeper and deeper, he was bringing us with him, and we could taste a drop of what had been the greatest love story of his life. So even if it seems incredible, we were there doing the sadhana too, all by His grace. When the sadhana ended, the temple was a bit more tranquil, more silent, and had fewer people. But just now? Once we are finished, Is this a divine joke? Finally, Swamiji brought us to have Darshan of the Goddess, and She was vibrating love back to him, who is her lover, her Sadhu, her Swami. All respects to Swamiji and Shree Maa, the Deities and examples who bathe us with compassion and eternal Love.

“Sacred Voyage on the Ganges: A Transformative Evening with Shree Maa and Swamiji”

Today we went to the Ganga with Shree Maa and Swamiji, if you have not seen the ghats in Varanasi, they are the steps that bring you down to the holy Ganga. When you are there, you are in a magical, timeless space. There are ancestral and medieval buildings, and the banks are filled with ancient stairs made of stone. Everything is made of ancient stone, and the fog arising from the river, the sounds of Puja, the fires of Arathi, and people from all over the planet and all over India intertwine in a magical landscape of mysticism and glorious stories of a thousand and one nights. Shree Maa was brought down to the boat like a majestic queen. Carried by two devotees down to the ghats, she was placed on the bow of the boat. She is our captain, and Swamiji sat next to her while all of us sat behind. Imagine the scene, when we were gliding the physical form of the Celestial Goddess Ganga, listening with a loudspeaker to the Ganga Stotram chanted by Shree Maa, which induces in the heart a feeling of love and devotion that sparks that magic that otherwise is imperceptible to our sleeping little selves.
It was around 6:15 pm, and it was getting dark. The voice of our Guru was tangling up with the vapors of the river as the evening was recollecting its coppers, and the multitude of people moved to and fro on the distant ghats. Ancient India, holy Ganga, Shree Maa, and Swamiji, a beautiful heart song, and in front of us, Manikarnika Ghat, the most intense sight, a branch of funerary pyres flaming brightly, the place where the mortal body is reduced to ashes, which will ultimately be released on the waters. Someone in the boat said the fire they burned the corpses with was here before Varanasi was built—the ultimate place where the truth is in front of us. The end of life is also the Supreme Place of Liberation, where Shiva is ever-present.
From there, the boat was anchored near the ghat where the Ganga Puja has been performed since long ago. There were a myriad of boats there. At this point, it was dark, and we were all waiting for the puja to begin while people were jumping from boat to boat with chai, flowers, and those little leaves with flowers and a lamp to offer your prayers to Ganga Ma. I cannot say how many boats were there, but there were many, and on the steps of the banks, what seemed like thousands of people were sitting, waiting, dancing, selling, excited to see the puja, admired by the multitude, and simply in awe of the magical ancient atmosphere contrasted with the big screen placed on top of the medieval wall so everyone could watch the worship. When the puja began, there were about ten priests or so, and they were doing the different offerings and dancing to the music and mantras. In all the chaos our Gurus began to worship God, we could not see nor even hear the mantras they were reciting, so I decided to close my eyes and connect with them, and as is usual around them I found peace within and just let myself go to that place they help us connect with. After some time, the boat came back to the place of origin, and Shree Ma was carried to the top of the ghats like the queen she is. As she left the scent of hers and Swamiji’s love twisted up around the fog, and left our hearts with a sensation of peace, profound respect, and admiration. Jai Shree Maa, Jai Swamiji! Hara Hara Gange

“A Divine Dawn: Experiencing Sacred Worship and Homa at the Annapurna Temple in Varanasi”

Today we have worshipped in the Annapurna temple here in Varanasi. We woke up at 1am, yes woke up! Can you imagine?

On our way to the temple, Varanasi seemed like a different place, the multitudes, and the usual noisy town had become “silent”, There were no people in the streets, some sleepy cows here and there, and lots of dogs. The night was fresh, scented by the night jasmine, and peaceful.
When we arrived at the temple, it was 2:30 am, and to our amazement, there were lines of people waiting to have the early morning Darshan of the Lord. It is so heart-touching to see this kind of devotion. most of us have difficulties sitting for 5 minutes and repeating a couple of rounds of Mantra with the Mala rosary. These people were at 2:30am a.m., making lines to make sure they would see the Lord as soon as the temple opened. The feeling was wondrous.
Those in the line were sitting on the floor, the temperature was cool, and it was dark even though there were street lights as we were waiting, two distant figures, one dressed in yellow and one in orange attire, were followed by a few people carrying boxes filled with all the necessary items for their puja, even the wood for the Homa was being carried. Once all of us were together, we proceeded towards the temple. It was a sight to see everyone in the middle of the night carrying everything in those labyrinth-like networks of very narrow ancient streets that brought us to the Mandir.

Usually, this is a very busy temple, but at this time there were only the temple keepers, and very soon, Swamiji and Shree Maa entered the Garbhagriha while all of us waited outside observing. Swamiji was the first one going in, he was exuding Bhakti, a brightness emanated from him and his face reflected the love he was feeling for the Goddess. We were all expectant and excited. The puja began without delay, the deity was propitiated with milk, yogurt, ghee, sugar, and honey. Shree Maa and Swamiji anointed the form of the Goddess while they and other priests chanted holy mantras to the Devi. The atmosphere was electrified, the Murthi radiated an unusual glow and Shree Maa was bathing us in peace. For me the highlight was the moment when our Swami turned to us, he was full of Her, it seemed that while bathing Her Swami was in a huge exalted Bhava, She was pulsating in his heart and with his hands up and reciting mantras that resonated throughout the temple, he blessed us. I will always remember that holy moment. What a privilege to be able to observe such a love relationship, not to mention to receive the blessings.

After the holy bath they decorated the Goddesses with a beautiful red Saree, many garlands of beautiful colors, many offerings of food, Dakshina donations, incense, lights, fragrances that floated on the air, and lots and lots of love ❤️

When the Puja ended we all were gifted garlands and prasad.

Then we got ready for the homa on one side of the temple, the area was narrow but we found our way to sit and organize everything.
Shree Maa sat next to our Sadhu and she seemed in deep peace and very present, after some preparations the fire ritual began.
Swamiji continued engulfed in his amazing Bhavana, and the mantras that he was chanting had special power. Everything was so real, the Goddess which was bathed in the temple, now was ethereally awakened and Her presence was more and more obvious with each mantra of our Swami. He was manifesting Her and the feeling of the whole place became thick, vibrant and very very blissful. Once he had the fire burning and he consecrated it to her, it was clearly perceptible that She was in the flames and everywhere else. We were breathing Her, feeling Her, invoking her. the feeling was indescribable. Swamiji and Shree Maa continued chanting her thousand names, a thousand definitions of the Supreme Nourisher, She nourished even Shiva. We all united our voices in the recitation of the Sahasranama; we all were part of it and She was blessing us.

We were in a really small narrow part of the temple, but while all this was happening, the temple had opened the doors and what gave the impression of hundreds of people were all around us. The energy and the exaltation was so powerful, people felt so drawn to the homa that they were putting their hands in our plates of masala and doing whatever they could to participate, while Swamiji was pouring Bhava with each mantra and Shree Maa seeing the passion of the multitude around us, and being full of compassion herself, began to give handfuls of masala to everyone so they too could offer to the Goddess and be part of the holy moment.
The energy was so powerful, and delightful, it was just Glorious. When the Sahasranama ended Shree Maa chanted to Mother Annapurna with so much love, devotion and reverence. The Goddess was listening and we all were overjoyed and very bright. Following a few more mantras the ritual reached the end, then lots of people came to take blessings, everyone wanted to wear the tilak of the ashes and Swamiji very patiently blessed one by one until he made sure everyone was blessed.
After some time we went back home, took a bit of nourishment, and went to our rooms to rest, from there, I am writing now.

Amazing Grace ❤️

“Journey with Swamiji and Shree Maa: From Varanasi’s Spiritual Splendor to Nashik’s Divine Embrace”

Swamiji and Shree Maa are in Nashik, Maharashtra. After the blessed time in the holy city of Varanasi, they took a train for 20 hours. Yes, 20 hours!
They were very tired, but still decided to travel by train. Can you imagine all that they did in Varanasi? They established an altar in the house of a devotee, where they did puja morning and evening, and they received many people in that “temple”, famous drummers of noble families of Varanasi, Carnatic musicians, westerners, lots of devotees, old friends. They blessed so many.

They performed a Yagya in the Ghats of the Ganga, which was a very powerful one. Seeing Shree Maa and Swamiji chanting to Shiva with so much love in that ancient city, in front of the holiest river, very early in the morning, while many pilgrims, sadhus, and tourists, were walking by with amazement, approaching with respect and feeling the tangible bliss that they both were radiating, is a memory that i will treasure forever in my heart.
They did Yagya and Puja in Annapurneshwari Mandir, they also bathed in the Ganga, and what a glorious dip it was. When Shree Maa bathed in the river she bathed 3 times, the first one I could not hear her prayers, the second one she submerged for Ramakrisna and the third one for all of us, her devotees. When we bathe in the Ganga we search to purify our karma, get free from our sins and pray for good to happen. But when our Gurus go to the Ganga their work is so different, they empower the holy river and bring blessings to it so you and I can continue purifying ourselves in it. Isnt that amazing?

If you ever have the opportunity to join them in Benares, do it!

Don’t loose the opportunity.

Even with all the work, they remain calm, joyful and very loving.

Before they got on the train, they were packing and preparing for the trip but Swamiji saw we had questions and both of them sat with us until the last moment, and they shared wisdom and soothed our hearts with Divine Love. They show selflessness in every step of the path.

We said goodbye to them in Varannasi to see them again in Nashik.

Then when we arrived to Nashik they had already arrived, the same altar was established and puja and Arathi had been performed to the deities.
Did you know that wherever they go, they set the same altar, perform their pujas and do their path (chanting) and Homas, receive devotees, listen to them with care and attention, give divine advice, help with their sorrows and also share their happiness?
They are amazing, I know you understand what I am saying 😋
When we arrived and went in Maa was so happy to see us, she received us with so much love and already there was a group of devotees talking to them. When do they rest? Where do they take their energy from? How can they do all that they do?
It really is mind-boggling.
This morning after all the traveling and attending the devotees, at 5am in the morning Maa and Swamiji were performing puja in front of the altar.
When do they sleep? And after the puja, Swamiji sat to chant the Chandi for three hours, can you believe that?
I will share about the Chandi with Swamiji in another moment, but let me take the liberty to tell you.
Eliminate your doubts, come, spend time with them, see it with your own eyes. Experience their divinity and let their love transform you. Do not loose the opportunity!!!!

“A Divine Sojourn: Witnessing Intimate Moments with Kali Maa and the Sacred Napeshwar Lingam”

I feel like I have witnessed a few intimate moments yesterday that I would like to share with you all. It was a beautiful day and nonstop preparations were being made for Kali Puja today.

In the morning we were sitting in front of Kali Maa, Shree Maa had been working late into the night to finish giving her her Special touches and painting her Eyes to stand out. She was radiating, as we sat in her glow waiting for Maa, Swamiji came and just looked deep into her eyes and started whispering mantras to her that I could hardly hear, and were just for Her, I felt his love and Respect for the Goddess and felt it so inspiring his welcoming to the goddess before he engaged with us in the room.

Then in the evening, we took Kali Maa to the ashram where Napeshwar Kailashananda Mahadev is located, the trip there takes some time about 40 minutes, as we set out on our journey with the cars packed to the gills with flowers, fabrics, instruments, puja items and all of Mothers entourage we passed through grassy rolling yellow plains, with pockets of green rice Patties, time outside of the car seemed to be in pause, and we seemed to be racing through a world that hasn’t changed for time immemorial, the herds of cows, women with baskets on their heads, children playing in the street. The red-orange sun was low in the sky and gave a golden hue to the landscape, we could make out the silhouettes of the surrounding mountains, it felt holy and important knowing that in this same Land Lord Rama, Sita and Lakshmana were in exile and looked upon that same red orange sun.

When we arrived at the Ashram the most lovely fragrance and breeze welcomed us. We all followed Shree Maa and Swamiji down the path and that’s when I got another divine glimpse one of the most impactful things I have seen in my life, was as soon as we walked up to the Lingham which seemed to tower over us. Shree Maa wrapped her arms around the Napeshwar Linga and hugged him deeply with a smile on her face that seemed to say, I have missed you so much my dear old friend, I LOVE YOU.

I felt an instant peace upon arrival, it seemed to permeate everything like a heavy mist, and in that welcoming peaceful mist mingled with the smell of sweet grass Maa soon began directing for the place Maa Kali would be put and preparing her temple, all of a sudden Swamiji stood up and said “come with me” in one fluid movement he walked to sit across from Maa Kali, he set up for Sadhana and began with the Kali Puja, we quickly sat down with him and joined in with the recitation.

We began chanting a thousand names of Kali and I felt I could feel her dancing around us, there was a symphony of sounds and smells around us as the day quickly turned into night and I felt her dance and felt the pounding of my heart seemed to coincide with the rhythm of the mantras and the step of her dance and it was saying go beyond what you see and hear… go deeper… and within is where I got my last glimpse,
I felt her for just a glimpse in my heart Her divine love.

Then the mantras stopped, but her dance continued, and that drop of bliss and Napeshwar’s presence has stayed with me. I carry it in my heart. And I feel like that is what Shree Maa and Swamiji are sharing with me in those tender moments. A glimpse into my own heart, and a glimpse into what life is like when GOD is the only reality.

Yesterday was Kali Puja, Swamiji said that we celebrate Kali Puja before Diwali because she takes away our darkness and that way She exposes our light which we celebrate today on Diwali 🪔
The day began like everyday early in the morning, Shree Maa and Swamiji did there morning puja. While they were doing their worship some of us chanted the Bija Mantratmika. This scripture, which you can find on the website in various languages and scripts, is composed of the Chandi plus the secret Bijas and a few Stotras more. It is a very powerful sadhana. Seeing Swamiji recite the seed sounds is very incredible, the energy just grows and grows as he statically and joyfully chants and demonstrates his love to the Mother Goddess.
After everyone’s sadhana, everyone got their things together and all the necessary items for the Kali Puja. When we were about to leave Swamiji was carrying his two bags. He told me to hold one of the bags and pay attention to the weight, I did so and then he told me:A Sadhu carries a bag with only three things inside. Pure love, inspiration and appreciation.
-Have you realized how much they weigh?
And in a way the bag was kind of weightless but in an other way it was also very heavy.
It is so amazing to be inspired to contemplate such ideas by Swamiji because he has walked the talk.
To contemplate Pure love to accept everything and everyone as it is. Inspiration to follow the path and appreciation so that everything the Goddess brings into our lives can be used as an opportunity to move towards our goal and demonstrate our love.
Having their examples in my life is priceless, because really what does the whole world inspire us to do?
The drive until the Ashram is a delight, ancient mountains, a very blue sky, a landscape that reminds us of certain parts of Africa with a yellow carpet of grass that is adorned with green trees here and there, a very beautiful dirt road that flows within fields of the rural India with cows, village people carrying hay on their heads and a valley with a magical lake which links to the Ramayana.
Upon arrival, you can see on one side the mountain where they plan to build houses for devotees and Napeshwar in all his glory, who is now accompanied by Kali.
As soon as we arrived Swamiji got ready for the puja and Shree Maa supervised for all the necessary to be ready, and very soon Swamiji was worshiping.
If you could not watch the puja in Zoom please know that it was very powerful. Swamiji was full of Bhavana and Shree Maa accompanied him in recitation with a lot of love, stillness, and amazing grace.
We offered petals and flowers as we chanted the Kali Sahasranama, it was a constant rain of flowers over Kali, a rain of blessings for us, and then the very powerful moment when Swamiji performed the Bali. Once he elevated the knife in front of Kali, he looked directly into her eyes and we entered into a timeless space. The silence was crisp, the stillness and the energy manifested made our mind stop still and then with a seed sound! Done! The ego was dead.
What a powerful experience, having been in Kamakhya recently and seeing the rituals there, I experienced this one even more powerful for myself.

A moment later we were all celebrating, dancing, singing, and very very happy.
We had some prasad and some food and then we came back home to rest and prepare for the Homa to Lakshmi today.

Jai Ma!

Yesterday morning we went back to the ashram and this time Lakshmi’s home was to be performed. We all woke up early in the morning and headed towards the Ashram. We were celebrating Diwali, having worshiped She who takes away our darkness and exposes our light the day before, we were ready and very happy to worship such a benign deity.
Once we arrived Swamiji sat and got ready to organize everything we were preparing for the homa. The Ashram looked stunning, many saplings of different flowers were growing and developing, bananas, trees, and the lake which as you see in the picture is just phenomenal. Shree Ma and Swamiji could have not chosen a better place, the nature, the open skies, the mountains, and the silence. the silence is really loud there.
Just upon arriving the mind seems to get calm, more still and quiet and one can feel divinity in the land. Did you know that in this place is where Hanuman and Rama joined to rescue Mother Sita?

Some of us were working on all the preparations and there was some activity happening, there was a sense of peace in the atmosphere. The Pujas, the Homas, and just the consciousness of our Gurus make this ashram an ideal place for sadhana.
The night before, Swamiji called me to show me the room where he and Maa stay, and I think I should have taken a picture to show you because there you can see the level of austerity in their room, there were only two beds in there and nothing else. Fortunately, the ashram has a couple of restrooms, and at least one is the Western sitting type.
You may observe Shree Maa and Swamiji with their iPads, which pretty much only contain mantras, and also that they are always giving gifts, but most of these things are there only for the purpose of the temple because, in reality, they live a very simple life. That’s why I said the other day we have to look deeper, if you only look superficially you won’t understand the level of selflessness and also the degree of asceticism that they live for themselves. They are totally selfless.
Just before we began the homa and seeing that the space would be limited, I asked Swamiji where I could sit (given I had my music stand) and Swamiji motioned to sit in front, Nalini and I sat there and the sacred ritual began. Just a bit before the fire was awakened, the sun was on our back and very powerfully, it was about 88 Fahrenheit, my hair was burning, my mouth totally dry and the fire was not flaming bright yet. Once the fire was awakened the energy was so beautiful, Shree Maa was totally concentrated while she offered the masala into the fire, what is happening when she is in that state? Outside she seems to be her usual peaceful self but on the inside, the subtle realm is charged with her consciousness, which is also in the fire. Swamiji is totally immersed in that consciousness that is the love of his life, chanting the mantras with such a focus and articulation that really makes the experience beyond words, it’s just a moment of love, bliss, Sanskrit, Maa…. It is beyond words.
But while all of that blessedness was manifesting we had a very strong fire in front and a scorching sun behind. My mouth was just dry, I used a scarf to cover my head but that was just beginning. Oh my, what is going to happen? But one thing is sure I am not going to break my Asana no matter what. But what about Nalini? She is a very strong woman but still. Then Shree Maa who was reading my thoughts said: please give Nalini an umbrella.
The ritual continued and I was sweating and very hot, even though I was harmonizing with Swamiji’s chanting as much as I could, and then all a sudden two men with huge umbrellas sat behind me and Naliniī and covered the sun for us. Maa’s compassion is limitless, and her presence is within all of us, she has been always within us!
With the sun covered the ritual was just a delight.

Swamiji seemed in total joy chanting mantra after mantra manifesting Lakshmi’s energy which was dazzling everywhere, in the fire, the atmosphere, the whole ashram, and most importantly in our very own hearts, we all followed the recitation with great jubilation.
After the ceremony ended we all gathered in front of the image of Kali and Shree Maa chanted a very lovely song to the Goddess. And also Antarma who with the percussion has vivified our joy and made us dance in worship. Thank you Antarma!
That night Shree Maa asked us to light 108 diyas and set some in every room of the house, and after doing so, we chanted together 18 times the Maha Lakshmi Ashtakam together with Shree Maa, she was going into deep absorption and coming back and the beatitude governed our hearts, then she asked us to be good with each other and we all hugged fraternally. As Swamiji says: a Mother like no other.

“Soulful Sadhana and Divine Encounters: A Spiritual Sojourn with Swamiji and Shree Maa in Nashik”

During the first few days here in Nashik, we have had the opportunity to do Sadhana in the mornings with Swamiji, he has guided us in the Chandi and the Chandi Mantratmika, it was about 6 am when we would begin, that was after we recited the Hanuman Chalisa and the Aparajita Stotram with Maa.
The first day when we went to do our Sadhana Maa gave us her personal picture of the goddess from her room and another alter was instantly created on the second floor of the house. This was the space where we would begin our Sadhana with Swamiji.
When we have everything set up for the sadhana and we are ready to begin there is a reverent pause then Swamiji just dives right in. These first few days doing Sadhana have given me a lot of momentum now in my own Sadhana, seeing how he keeps the different rythem of the verses, not losing the flow even once of the pranayama and seeing how he uses the intonation and volume of his voice to convey his love while he chants and also keeps the Bhavana strong is so inspiring! the Love he shares while chanting is infectious, the feeling am left with when we finish is, I Just want to continue!!

After we finished Sadhana one day he just looked at us and said ”can you feel it” we definitely could! For me it felt we were in a protective, I felt a certain alertness, crispness and brightness all around, i was left with a peace that seemed to hang around us like a thick cloud you could almost cut through, a place where you just want to BE and revel in the just Being. That place where my mind seems to stop.
The alter space that he left for us to do sadhana has a very big presence now, every time I pass I take a moment to pause and feel Her.

There was One day I adjusted my music stand a bit and he looked over and asked “can you still see her”? I quickly adjusted my stand so I could read well and still have a good view of the picture of our mother on the Alter, later that day reflecting on the sadhana I felt so grateful that he was teaching me the importance of cultivating my connection with her. Even though I was focused on the ipad to chant I could see her looking at me from the alter and my sadhana felt a lot more personal. I see Swamiji stooping many times throughout the day to show his reverence for life around him. For me it is grand lesson to see what it’s like to truly see divinity in all. It is also an important lesson for me because he seems to be reflecting the connection he has on the outside with the connection he has with HER on the inside.

Another tool Swamiji has given me for sadhana is a new perspective on my life and past, whenever I Do Sadhana I have felt a deep physical pain in my heart, it was so big I felt that it was a huge blockage I didn’t know how to get through,m. Before I would tell myself, this is also her, this is one of her many forms, it’s okay, but I still felt like I couldn’t trespass that feeling of pain. Then Swamiji told me that that pain was my longing for the divine mother. That every time I feel that pain I should use it as my longing to connect and say thank you to my past, look at everyone who has ever hurt me and say “thank you” “because of you I am here” he said “That’s a pretty beautiful past if it got me here to where I am now.” So before where I felt stuck, I see that pain as a longing that I can make grow and grow and I finally feel like yes, this is something I can do!”

These have been a few reflections of my sadhana together with Swamiji, after Laksmi puja things have been quite tranquil here in Nashik until last, Maa wanted to visit the temple of Trimbakeshwar Jyotir Lingham and we did! The temple visit has been stunning. The temple looks ancient, it has very detailed carvings, around the arched door there are hundreds of carved musicians and as we entered the door we bowed to touch the floor and there were two giant carved lions on the last step before you actually step into the temple.

So beautiful, As we took the last step in I noticed a giant long line to the right, going out a door, being with Shree Maa we entered directly from the left and missed much of the line, as we all walked up to the Lingam I could feel the buzz of anticipation, Shree Ma and Swamiji were first to receive Darshan and after as they were walking away from the lingam Shree Maa placed a Bilva leaf on Swamiji’s head, it was such a beautiful moment to see Shree Maa honor Swamiji as Shiva, it was a gesture of pure love.
When it finally came to our turn I offered the Prasad and basket of flowers, and mentally gave my respects to the Lord, there were so many people that they were pushing and wanting to get close that I was only in front of the lord for only a few seconds, everything happened so fast and after walking away I felt whoa…. What happened? My mind was in another state.
After we all received Darshan we followed Shree Maa and Swamiji to the middle of the temple and we all sat down, Swamiji and Shree Maa began to chant the Shiva Puja, but even though I was directly behind them there was so much noise in the temple that I couldn’t hear anything they were chanting so I closed my eyes. At first I was surprised i could hear people yelling and screaming, pushing to get inside, police men were blowing their whistle you could hear a distant bell, a drum in the background, not the expected noise of a temple and between all that shouts of Hara Hara Mahadev! It was a hum of chaotic noises. But below all of that noise and chaos I could feel Tryambakeshwar, that same feeling of Stilness and peace, that same feeling I can feel in front of Shree Maa’s Alter, in her presence and that I can feel now stronger in my Sadhana. In that stillness I would open my eyes and see the one pointed focus of Shree Maa and swamiji worshipping the Lord and finally somehow it seemed that all the noise seemed to die down for a bit and we began to recite the 108 names of Shiva in unison, we could finally hear each other! When we finished the names we collected our things and went to an area outside the temple to sing, as always so much love poured from Swamiji and Shree Maa. In one of the bhajans I closed my eyes and when I opened them again the temple was shining brightly with colorful lights, it was so majestic. As the singing continued a small crowd gathered, it was so beautiful to see many of them chant along and many others stopped to bow and share their reverence for our Gurus.

I feel so grateful for this opportunity to learn how to live in the presence of God🙏🏼 thank you Swamiji and Shree Maa
Jai Ma!!